reason #54 I should stop shopping while in a brain cloud

Something is wrong with my brain. I know I talk a lot about being tired, but I am. I'm tiiiiired.

The other night I needed a break and a loaf of bread, so I left the sleeping kids at home with Luke and went to Target. (I can't quit you Target but I need to FOR REAL. I just counted and I've been in four different Targets in the last week. Indianapolis! Land of Targets! Another post for another day.)

I purchased a $7.00 coffee maker (ours only works sometimes which is not nearly enough-- I figured having backup was worth $7.00), a pair of jeans, a four-pack of bottled Starbucks, a loaf of bread. And a box of wine. Or more accurately, a cube of wine.

I am generally not a wine drinker. I prefer beer, honestly. Good beer is delicious. Good wine tastes like... cheap wine. I cannot tell the difference. I tend to be picky and foodie about a lot of things, but wine is not one of them. My only explanation for purchasing a Wine Cube is that I was in kind of a desperate state of mind and it was on sale and the packaging was appealing.

So as I am ringing up my stuff, I break the silence (and I do mean silence, Target was closing and I was one of the last people in there) and start telling the cashier why I am buying a coffee maker.

Me: That coffee maker was only $7, can you believe that? My coffee maker broke and it only works sometimes. And it was not $7, it was like $100, it was a Christmas present from my husband a few years ago. I have two kids and our fancy $100 coffee maker decided not to work this morning and it ruined my whole day.

Her: Oh yeah, girl, you need that caffeine. (Awkward smile)

She rings up the four-pack of bottled Starbucks.

Me: Oh... and that is for backup! Ha ha! Just in case this new coffeemaker doesn't work either! Boy wouldn't that be a hoot!

Her: Yeah, now you'll never run out of coffee again. (Awkward smile)

Me: No, it wasn't the coffee that ran out... it was uh, the coffeemaker that uh... (I watch her as she struggles to put the $7 coffeemaker into a bag)... it's okay! You don't need to bag that. I can just carry it.

I put the coffeemaker in the cart.

Her: Thanks, yeah, that wasn't fitting at all.

She continues to ring up my stuff.

Me: So yeah, it was the coffeemaker that broke. And it makes me mad because my kids are really young and wake up really early, especially now with Daylight Savings Time. I mean, I can't even get up and go to the bathroom without drinking a cup of coffee first--

And as I am talking, no BLABBING on, I walk over to the very far end of the conveyor belt and pick up the cube of wine and carry it over to my cart and put it in.

Her: WHAT are you DOING? I did not ring that up yet!

And then she gives me a look. This look says, "I know why you were just having that ridiculous distracting conversation with me now-- it was so you could STEAL THE WINE."

I am telling you:
I am 100% sure she thought I was trying to steal the wine.
I was not trying to steal it.
It was in a red box, just like the coffeemaker I had just carried to my cart.
My brain was on auto pilot.

But cashier-lady had already pegged me as a crazy because of the rambling on about coffee, so stealing wine was obviously not a reach.

We were silent as I paid.

And then I looked at her and said, "I cannot believe I did that. I think I thought it was my bag or something. I usually carry a big bag when I have my kids with me... I feel so stupid."

And she totally didn't buy it.

Maybe I'll just quit that particular Target store for awhile. I do have three others to fall back on.


  1. oh my goodness erin. that's funny.

  2. You made my day, Erin. This is really funny.

  3. haha...

    coffee and wine, with a little adult(ish) conversation...PRICELESS (even if you DID try to steal the wine)

  4. Deviant wine thief!

    That is so funny.

  5. This is too funny! Your picture is probably up in the Target breakroom.

  6. Oh my! Erin, you crack me up, you wine thief, you!

  7. Oh please, like you'd try to steal a cheap thing of whine. Some people are so silly. If she actually thought that. I have Mommy brain too, so I can totally relate.


  8. This was sooo funny. I am sure it was embarrassing too... Bout we are all enjoying it :)

    Also, One of my fondest memories involved a cube of Target wine :)

  9. Sounds like something I would do. I can picture it now.


  10. Oh no but these things happen.

    A few weeks back left a clothes shop
    and the alarms went crazy , my youngest daughter had grabbed an outfit and was sitting in her pram with it. Thankfully they believe me that i was not trying to shoplift

  11. I ramble on to cashiers too but I have never been one to try and steal wine. lol How funny! I can also relate to shopping in a brain cloud due to young ones. I say thank heavens for coffee and a Starbucks in MY local Target.

  12. so funny and totally something I would have done! I have walked out with something tucked under my arm and the cashier didn't even notice until I came back. Tired does not even begin to describe what having children is like. It gets easier though. Just before you go completely crazy

  13. That's hilarious. I have to have coffee. It's must. I understand.