Something is wrong with my brain. I know I talk a lot about being tired, but I am. I'm tiiiiired.
The other night I needed a break and a loaf of bread, so I left the sleeping kids at home with Luke and went to Target. (I can't quit you Target but I need to FOR REAL. I just counted and I've been in four different Targets in the last week. Indianapolis! Land of Targets! Another post for another day.)
I purchased a $7.00 coffee maker (ours only works sometimes which is not nearly enough-- I figured having backup was worth $7.00), a pair of jeans, a four-pack of bottled Starbucks, a loaf of bread. And a box of wine. Or more accurately, a cube of wine.
I am generally not a wine drinker. I prefer beer, honestly. Good beer is delicious. Good wine tastes like... cheap wine. I cannot tell the difference. I tend to be picky and foodie about a lot of things, but wine is not one of them. My only explanation for purchasing a Wine Cube is that I was in kind of a desperate state of mind and it was on sale and the packaging was appealing.
So as I am ringing up my stuff, I break the silence (and I do mean silence, Target was closing and I was one of the last people in there) and start telling the cashier why I am buying a coffee maker.
Me: That coffee maker was only $7, can you believe that? My coffee maker broke and it only works sometimes. And it was not $7, it was like $100, it was a Christmas present from my husband a few years ago. I have two kids and our fancy $100 coffee maker decided not to work this morning and it ruined my whole day.
Her: Oh yeah, girl, you need that caffeine. (Awkward smile)
She rings up the four-pack of bottled Starbucks.
Me: Oh... and that is for backup! Ha ha! Just in case this new coffeemaker doesn't work either! Boy wouldn't that be a hoot!
Her: Yeah, now you'll never run out of coffee again. (Awkward smile)
Me: No, it wasn't the coffee that ran out... it was uh, the coffeemaker that uh... (I watch her as she struggles to put the $7 coffeemaker into a bag)... it's okay! You don't need to bag that. I can just carry it.
I put the coffeemaker in the cart.
Her: Thanks, yeah, that wasn't fitting at all.
She continues to ring up my stuff.
Me: So yeah, it was the coffeemaker that broke. And it makes me mad because my kids are really young and wake up really early, especially now with Daylight Savings Time. I mean, I can't even get up and go to the bathroom without drinking a cup of coffee first--
And as I am talking, no BLABBING on, I walk over to the very far end of the conveyor belt and pick up the cube of wine and carry it over to my cart and put it in.
Her: WHAT are you DOING? I did not ring that up yet!
And then she gives me a look. This look says, "I know why you were just having that ridiculous distracting conversation with me now-- it was so you could STEAL THE WINE."
I am telling you:
I am 100% sure she thought I was trying to steal the wine.
I was not trying to steal it.
It was in a red box, just like the coffeemaker I had just carried to my cart.
My brain was on auto pilot.
But cashier-lady had already pegged me as a crazy because of the rambling on about coffee, so stealing wine was obviously not a reach.
We were silent as I paid.
And then I looked at her and said, "I cannot believe I did that. I think I thought it was my bag or something. I usually carry a big bag when I have my kids with me... I feel so stupid."
And she totally didn't buy it.
Maybe I'll just quit that particular Target store for awhile. I do have three others to fall back on.