11.25.2009

like little children hiding their eyes

I was going to write a post about thankfulness.
I was going to write a post about how I got to the place I am in.
A happy Thanksgiving kind of post explaining why I love every second of what I am doing and why it all kind of feels like a surreal gift (are you rolling your eyes yet?) and why I go out of my way all the time to explain that even though I have been through a bunch of weird crap lately I AM THANKFUL for my life.

I swear I don't say these peppy optimistic things to be annoying and I don't say them because I feel like I have to say them.
I say them because I mean them.
I say them because there is a lot of joy in my house and in my heart.

I say them because I am thankful for what I have. Constantly.

I may only be 26, but I've been through stuff. The bad kind of stuff. The kind of stuff that steals your joy away from you. Even though my beloved Papa passed away and I had a miscarriage and I hurt myself all over on a dumb treadmill fall (that I am still healing from if you can believe it) all in the last three months, my joy has not been stolen. I am not depressed.
I have real, tangible things to be sad about, yes, but they are the kind of things you grieve over and you weave into your story. You cry sometimes out of nowhere and you squint really hard trying to understand and accept the realities of life. I am dealing with that. I am definitely squinting. I am not dealing with the heavy kind of stuff that threatens to break your spirit and steal your joy. I am dealing with life. I am so thankful that I get to deal with life.

So I was going to write a post about that stuff.

Then I started singing this song and I couldn't stop. I felt better about a lot of things. I sang it all night, for hours, until everyone went to sleep and my house got so quiet that my whisper-singing even seemed too loud and I stopped singing and started typing this post.

I decided not to get too ridiculously long winded in my explanation of the rainbows and bunnies I sprinkle into everything and instead just tell you to sing this song.

You will feel better too.




(Sometimes I think I missed my calling in life and should be getting paid to sit around singing songs for fun. Those jobs are pretty easy to find right? Singing a fun-to-sing song feels like a good dream and a good beer and being a kid and an old person all at the same time.)

16 comments:

  1. This is
    beautiful. And I feel kindred to youthat we wrote such personal posts at the very same moments in the night.

    Also? I've decided that not only will we someday perform a choreographed dance, but we should sing open mic together. One night somewhere.

    Steph

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  2. i totally understand - it seems so cheesy to say you are thankful when you're going through so much craziness, but the craziness is what makes me the MOST thankful!

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  3. That song has organ playing in the background. This is harder than I thought it would be.
    Love,
    Your Mom

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  4. I'm sending hugs and good thoughts your way. I love this because you are so sincere, and anyone could easily see that. Thank you for writing through it all.
    And that song... love it. Could make anyone smile!

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  5. Mom, I know. That part is what makes the whole song make sense to me.

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  6. I know that Halloween is behind us but I truly believe that the Great Pumpkin would decide that your pumpkin patch is the most sincere.

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  7. Beautifully said, as always. Happy Thanksgiving.

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  8. In all sincerity, I think you just wrote the best thankfulness post ever. Have a very happy and blessed Thanksgiving.

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  9. This post echoes my own sentiments.

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  10. Love your blog. Its so nice to meet you.

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  11. Love this heart felt post. Stumbled onto your blog this Thanksgiving eve and finding that it's one more thing that I'm grateful about.

    PS: I squint quite a bit, day to day in this thing we call life, too. And yeah, and despite all the weeds, it's still pretty darned rosy.

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  12. love this so very much. especially the part about not saying them to be annoying or because you have to, but because you mean them. what a perfectly wonderful thing to mean.

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  13. i am so thankful for you (and your beautifully written blog) tonight. i'm so glad to have grown to know you this last year!

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  14. There is a lot of joy in my house and in my heart too. :)

    P.S. It makes me happy that you are happy.

    stephanie@metropolitanmama.net

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  15. Generally I do not post on blogs, but I would like to say that this post really forced me to do so! really nice post.

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