look behind from where we came

I'm not really a New Years resolution type. I mean, wearing button earrings more often is one thing, but setting goals in stone for a year I know nothing about (today was good, I guess I do know that one little thing about 2009) seems silly. There are many things I need to work on. SO MANY things. Little things and big things.

(from my high school notebook)

Qualities I want to focus on and encourage in myself, and some quirks that have probably run their course and need to be suppressed. Relationships to cultivate and relationships to let go. Many many things to remind myself that it is okay to do (not always be self deprecating) and things that it is not okay to do (gossip).

I also need to soak up every moment of my baby girl's first year and spend thoughtful in-the-moment time with my toddler, who will likely turn into a full-blown kid right before my eyes in 2009.

Learning to use my sewing machine is on the list of "stuff I would like to do sometime in the very vague future", but resolving to accomplish it in the coming year? Health and income and life as I know are not even all resolved. They are what I have right now and what I am thankful for, but not a promise for the future. I don't have a life plan because I can't have a life plan. I am on God's plan. It is a mystery to me and may or may not follow the path I am imagining in my head.

So in the spirit of all things holiday and new and fresh, I suppose I will offer a few hopeful maybes for the year to come and a few reminders to myself-- many of these are things I tell myself every day in the shower. Okay. Not always in the shower. I don't shower every day. I'm a mom. Maybe "showering" should go on the list.

--> learn to use my sewing machine
--> listen to more music and watch less tv
--> be friendly to strangers
--> cook more
--> be encouraging to others
--> keep on top of the toenail polish situation
--> not get caught up in the games people play
--> put myself out there
--> not take things personally
--> learn how to be direct without being rude
--> accept that I can't make everyone happy and I can't be perfect
--> pray with focus
--> stop stressing about the dirty kitchen
--> find time to take a hot bath when I need a break
--> it's okay to need a break right?
--> breaks are normal. people without breaks are not nice or healthy and often have to drink diet Pepsi to get the energy to brew the coffee.
--> accept that I'm a coffee drinker
--> (let's be honest, coffee addict)

(again from my high school notebook. if i drew this picture now there would be some levers and some pulleys all hooked up to a very extra large mug of coffee.)

Originally published on January 1st, 2009.

I was right: Clark turned into a full-blown kid this year. And I think I did okay with these "hopeful maybes". I'm glad about that. Except for the sewing thing. That may never actually happen.


  1. I remember this! Love it.

    Happy New Year, friend. 2010 is your year.


  2. It's amazing what a whole year can do - to yourself and your kids. have a great 2010.

  3. Showering every day--before noon--is on my list of goals for 2010 :)

  4. Ah lady... we are so very similar, it's remarkable. The years seem to roll by faster and faster... especially with kids in the life, my goodness. Blessings to you and yours. Enjoy your New Year. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy your life. I'm happy to be getting to know you, if o nly in this way (for now.) xox

  5. It never fails to amaze me just how much happens in a year, regardless of what our plans are.

    Happy New Year!

  6. I love this "I don't have a life plan because I can't have a life plan. I am on God's plan. It is a mystery to me and may or may not follow the path I am imagining in my head." So, so true. Happy New Year! And, don't give up on that sewing machine.

  7. What a great list! Thanks for sharing your 2009 hopes. What's new for 2010? :)