the smoke has cleared

Yesterday and today were much much better. I feel totally over the frustration. I feel peaceful and normal again.

It's kind of funny. Things are not suddenly "easier" but because I took some steps towards a new routine it is all much better. How is it, with kids, that something simple that works and just clicks for so so long can suddenly change and not work at all anymore? I think I have been stuck in my mothering of a two year old and an infant and somehow missed that I now have a preschooler and a toddler. Clark and Alice just aren't the same kids they were a few months ago. They are more amazing than ever, if possible, but they require me to hide more stuff up high. And that's okay. I can do that.

(Besides, what's left for them to break? Ha ha! See, you can tell I am all the way over the camera lens because I am joking about it! I'm mostly over the camera lens. 50% over it. Okay, I'm still weeping a little but only in secret.)

I went Christmas shopping yesterday, by myself, and the whole time I was out I missed my kids. I also realized while looking at all the "stuff" out there that when I said that I only have like two things and that I need a Christmas present that I misspoke. I think what I really meant is that I only have like two things that are the kind of things that make my brain feel clicky and light ("hobbies" for those not following my bizarre language choices) and one of those things is taking pictures with my camera. The other thing is probably this blog. The rest of my "hobbies" are not actual hobbies but are rather dream hobbies and are all ridiculous and involve expensive equipment and costumes I don't own. (Yes I said costumes. DREAM BIG!) I don't think I need a "stuff" kind of Christmas present after all. I think that on Christmas morning I just want to be included. Luke could wrap one of Clark's drawings and say it's a special mommy-card and that would be just fine. Unless Santa is real and has trained his elves to make big-ticket items in which case I'll take a computer, a camera lens, a video camera, and a new refrigerator.


But I did buy myself something when I was out yesterday.

I bought

(wait for it)

dish scrubber.


PS. Luke does the dishes. I hope he likes pink flowers as much as I do.


  1. Erin. It's amazing how different our lives are right now. There is much more I could say but maybe the comment section on your blog is not the right place to say it. Love you.

  2. My daughter is 11 months and I am a the stage where everything is having to go a stage higher or it gets chewed. I went out of the room for literally 2 minutes the other day to pick up some post and when I came back she had chewed the whole corner off the coraline dvd sleeve, she has also bitten the corner of our coffee table (which is crappy MDF) and all of the spines of the books I lovingly bought for her. I never knew having children was so much like having a puppy!

  3. If he doesn't like it send him here. I have plenty of manly scrubbers.

    You are sweet. :)


  4. I'm glad you found your happy place again. I'm not getting "things" for Christmas either. It's ALL about the baby.

  5. Isn't it amazing how, once you get out amongst all the junk you realize you already have everything you ever wanted?

    You just wanted to marry Luke and have his babies. You win!

  6. That last line has me cracking up.

    It's crazy how fast kids change. One minute you think you have a baby and the next you have a toddler and so forth. It can have your head spinning in no time. And, it's like they are born knowing how to reach just a little bit further than actually seems possible.

    So glad you're feeling better!

  7. I thought this was really, really well-said, Erin.

  8. Little things like flower dish scrubbers always make my day!

    Glad you found some peace. The transition periods (or after... when you realized they happen) can be tough. I think we're around the same place actually. It's tough, but worth it.

  9. I'm in that transition with my baby. He's going to be a year old on a few weeks and things have changed fast. He is everywhere and super smart. Can get out of anything, get into anything, and throw a mean fit already. Just when I thought this three kids thing was going to be easy ;)


  10. I love that you bought a dish scrubber. How perfect is that? You are an amazing mom with an amazing amount of patience.

  11. it's the things that i use daily that mean the most to me, i think. really good bath towels and toilet paper are a must. pretty undies - even if there is no chance of them being seen that day. pretty drink glasses - always glass, no plastic around here (except for some of those non-spill cups for my daughter, which really aren't non-spill anyway, so why do i stinkin' waste my money on them over and over again... helping her with a glass would be much less messy. i guess i am too lazy.) pretty dishtowels. artwork that i love and hang in places I will see them. pretty pens and papers, just to write grocery and other sorts of lists... these are the things that really cheer me everyday.

    my man started washing the dishes last year for lent. I was really hoping he'd stick with it for good. but, now he does do it about twice a week. and compared to zero zilch nada before, i'm totally thrilled with that :O)

  12. Every time my kids go through a transition - from baby to toddler to preschooler to little kid to big kid and so on - I have this feeling of shell-shock, like "Uh, wait, what is this again?" And I'm on my FIFTH kid. You'd think I'd have this down by now, right? So you're ahead of the curve just by knowing what needs to be done :) Glad you are able to have a good attitude about your stuff getting broken; I know that's not easy!

  13. I think the one "constant" of motherhood is change. Yesterday, we were out doing a family photo shoot @ a nearby park...and the photographer said, "go ahead and let your baby sit right there in the brush." I said, "hmmm...I'm not quite sure she'll sit there." But then I put her down and she sat right up, smiled, looked around, played with the leaves...and I realized...Oh my! She's growing up!

    {Sorry for the run-on sentence}.