Yesterday and today were much much better. I feel totally over the frustration. I feel peaceful and normal again.
It's kind of funny. Things are not suddenly "easier" but because I took some steps towards a new routine it is all much better. How is it, with kids, that something simple that works and just clicks for so so long can suddenly change and not work at all anymore? I think I have been stuck in my mothering of a two year old and an infant and somehow missed that I now have a preschooler and a toddler. Clark and Alice just aren't the same kids they were a few months ago. They are more amazing than ever, if possible, but they require me to hide more stuff up high. And that's okay. I can do that.
(Besides, what's left for them to break? Ha ha! See, you can tell I am all the way over the camera lens because I am joking about it! I'm mostly over the camera lens. 50% over it. Okay, I'm still weeping a little but only in secret.)
I went Christmas shopping yesterday, by myself, and the whole time I was out I missed my kids. I also realized while looking at all the "stuff" out there that when I said that I only have like two things and that I need a Christmas present that I misspoke. I think what I really meant is that I only have like two things that are the kind of things that make my brain feel clicky and light ("hobbies" for those not following my bizarre language choices) and one of those things is taking pictures with my camera. The other thing is probably this blog. The rest of my "hobbies" are not actual hobbies but are rather dream hobbies and are all ridiculous and involve expensive equipment and costumes I don't own. (Yes I said costumes. DREAM BIG!) I don't think I need a "stuff" kind of Christmas present after all. I think that on Christmas morning I just want to be included. Luke could wrap one of Clark's drawings and say it's a special mommy-card and that would be just fine. Unless Santa is real and has trained his elves to make big-ticket items in which case I'll take a computer, a camera lens, a video camera, and a new refrigerator.
But I did buy myself something when I was out yesterday.
(wait for it)
PS. Luke does the dishes. I hope he likes pink flowers as much as I do.