2.15.2010

how to ruin valentine's day and other good advice

Do you ever feel distinctly not like yourself and then wonder what that even means and what the composite of "yourself" really breaks down into? I usually decide my self image is probably a bunch of BS and that I am nothing like I think I am, but it's still the one I hold on to and the one I want to be. Even if it's make believe.

Anyway.

I have felt, lately, like the most boring version of myself. Nothing like "normal" me.

I am tired. I am still sick. I spent this morning trying to convince myself that I didn't need to throw up and the afternoon throwing up and the later afternoon and evening eating green grapes and pineapple until my tongue was raw, only quitting when we ran out of pineapple. I know there are women out there who are sick the entire time they are pregnant and work jobs outside of the home in proper clothing that contain things like buttons and zippers, but I don't know how they do it. I am really thankful my employers don't mind standing in the bathroom watching me puke while they wait for their sippy refills.

I want to not feel sick anymore.

I want to think about things and stretch out my brain. I can't remember how.

On Valentine's day I should have been the happiest kid ever (our much anticipated new furniture arrived and we went to the Apple store and traded in my old broken iPod for a new working iPod) but I was a total jerk to my husband all day. I could feel myself being a jerk and even observe how silly it was as it was happening, but I kept letting it spill out. I have no idea what my problem was. I ruined the day. Yay me.

I am praying that on Wednesday when I am 14 weeks things start feeling better. I want to feel like the old (probably made-up complete fantasy) version of myself that I feel comfortable with.

I also want some pants that fit.


(This photo is somewhat embarrassing and hard for me to post because I look so freaking pregnant and I am only 13 weeks. I blame muscle memory or something. The midwife said I was measuring a little big. YA THINK?)

23 comments:

  1. Man. The last time I was pregnant I posted almost this exact same thing around the same time. I was just soooo sick and I wrote about being drained of personality. My best advice is to eat constantly all day PROTEIN, every half hour or 40 minutes, and to try really really hard (it's hard with kids) to get at least 8 hours sleep preferably more, because that really reduces the naseau. I also pop out waaay sooner than seems reasonable so I feel you@!

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  2. Erin you look gorgeous.. I have serious bump envy! When I was still working I had to tell my manager at only 9 weeks as she was wondering why I was sitting at my desk in a zombie/semi living state (oh and going to the loo about 20 times a day lol) so dont feel bad, hope you feel better soon I used to find that if i ate dry crackers little and often it helped with my sickness xxxx

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  3. This post brings up many not to distant memories for me. Even the pineapple - it was my one grocery splurge - and splurge I did. I ate pounds of it. I think my sickness officially lifted for good around 16 weeks. So it can't be long for you.

    Now, I'm on the other side of the fence, 10 weeks postpartum. And well, I'm still trying to find myself now - but in a different way.

    Looking forward to both of us not feeling crazy anymore. Being a mom is so freakin' hard!

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  4. Oh you look great!!! I remember buying maternity jeans when I found out at like 6 weeks pregnant with Gray.

    I'm hoping you're feeling some sense of normal real soon.

    Steph

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  5. Man, I totally remember that feeling. With my son, I continued to be nauseous way past when I was supposed to be. I had a young doctor and he kept telling me to wait it out. My daughter got sick around this time so I took her in ... saw another doctor (it was a family practice) ... he said my daughter had allergies. I had similar symptoms ... low and behold I was also having seasonal allergies. He prescribed Zyrtec and guess what?? The nauseousness went away. The feelings of violence I had for my first doc were extreme. The post nasal drip was what continued the nauseous feelings for another 1.5 months!! :o)

    Anyway, I really hope you start feeling better soon! And, if not, it might be allergies. :o))))) You look great, by the way!!!! I'm jealous! I would totally take the nausea again if it meant I could be having another little one!!! :o)

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  6. I'm sorry you're out of sorts. That stinks. But I think you look adorable!

    (Sorry I don't have more advice or something useful to offer, but I've never been pregnant and am there fore unequpit to do so.)

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  7. I am so sorry you are feeling horrible. It's so draining! Especially when you are looking back at yourself and going "What in the world am I doing" as you are doing it. Horrible. I hope you feel better soon. And you are so cute.

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  8. Look at that cute belly of yours. At least you have something showing, I'm just plain bloated. Yuck.

    And I can't wait to see your new furniture!

    And I totally get you on wanting to feel like your "fantasy" self again. It doesn't help that it is soo cold and snowy out.

    I hope it gets better for you real soon!

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  9. I felt the same way with my second. I felt like my mind was going crazy with all the sickness.

    The third time around, I am just realllllllllllllllllly hormonal. I get short easily, and I cry at most things. Not normal at all.

    The brightside for you, morningsickness MAY go away. For me, I think I will spend the whole pregnancy as a wild thing.

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  10. A.) you look fabulous

    B.) that whole self-concept thing? I SO get that. You'd think by my age I'd have myself completely figured out, but I am such a puzzle to my own self, I don't know how anyone else gets me, ever! it's so hard when you see yourself behaving in a way that is so not "you", but I'd say right now you've got a pretty good excuse for it.

    I hope you're feeling like yourself again soon!

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  11. Erin, you are beautiful! I am pretty sure that's what I look like right now--and I'm not pregnant. Actually, I am negative 12 months pregnant--shouldn't have lost the baby belly by now?! :)

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  12. You look so beautiful. I think there's nothing more incredibly lovely than a pregnant belly.

    HUGS!

    Nell

    PS
    I adore you!

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  13. ummm, i am so right there with you. i am feeling you 1,000% and i am only 9 weeks along.

    but hopefully this will for you end very very soon and you will be back to normal.

    in the meantime, *hugs* to you!

    ps - green grapes and pineapple YES!

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  14. Oh my gosh. I think you look so freaking cute. I know, though, how weird it is to look sort of pregnant when you know it's not actually a BABY making your tummy poke out, but some kind of weird bloaty combination of fluid and swelling. I am so excited for you!

    Also: I have the personality drain at the end of each of my pregnancies. From week 34 on I turn into a drooling, sleeping, pile of meh. Luckily it wears off pretty soon after the baby is born.

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  15. Aww, you look great! I hope you feel better soon. And are you standing on the couch?! Silly girl, be careful. :-)

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  16. I'm stopping by from your guest post at Barefoot Childhood (which was fabulous, by the way) and I think your blog has put a spell on me...I've spent far too much time enjoying everything about it, so I'm just gonna go ahead and follow :)

    I hope you get back to feeling normal soon, but can I just add my voice to the chorus above and say -- you look wonderful!

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  17. You look gorgeous! Don't even worry about it...says the girl who needs to say the same thing to herself. Muscle memory stinks.
    And, so do hormones. Monster Me and Cry At The Drop Of A Hat Me have been making regular appearances of late. Uck.

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  18. Also, your little bump is seriously cute. I just look like I've gained 15 pounds during the first part of pregnancy.

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  19. I am so psyched for you and You look beautiful ;) I think the third baby is notorious for making the belly pop out further. @ least that's what my girlfriends keep telling me. I'm way bigger now than I was with my last two. Hoping you are feeling better soon. First trimester is aweful. I felt pukey frumpy and just plain old nasty. Now in my forth month & I am feeling much better.

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  20. stop it, you look super cute! can we meet in the middle somewhere in indiana and hang out? Next time we are visiting Johns family in Kokomo we should meet up in Indianapolis.

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  21. I think you look DARLING and hopefully I will post a picture soon. I just can't justify my belly, having never been more than 10 weeks pregnant. My muscles should not be stretched out already. Ahem.

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