there's a party in my tummy

Okay friends, I have a confession.

I am not just a bad blogger.

It is after midnight so it's official -- I am 13 weeks pregnant.

I just can't hold it in anymore.

We've known about this baby for two months and I've been really sick for about a month and a half. I've been noticably absent from this blog and leaving comments and from twitter, my brain barely able to come up with thoughts that wouldn't give this news away.

And it isn't that I didn't want to share it, because I did. But I also thought that keeping it a secret would make it only sort-of-true instead of all the way true. I thought if I didn't celebrate too much or spread it around, if I didn't tell people about the positive pregnancy tests or act happy about it, I could keep it in sort-of-true limbo as long as necessary. Sort-of-true seemed good because it would enable me to protect myself from feeling so much if it ended in another miscarriage.

But at this point? I've realized that sort-of-true doesn't exist. Emotionally and physically, I am all in. I am SO all in. I am totally, 100% aware that it is true. I am pregnant. I have been dreaming up names and buying maternity tank tops. Our families and friends now know and I look visibly... round.

I am all the way in, in deep, and this is why I am telling you now, even though we have yet to hear a heartbeat.

My first appointment is Thursday morning and I am praying for all to be A-OK.

Will you join me?