silent songs

I rock Alice to sleep every night.

After she falls asleep I stay where I am, holding her, still rocking away, and my brain works very well. The paths in my mind -- from one life event to another mirrored one, from confusion to solution, from worry to peace -- are torched up with light bulbs and fireworks.  The big and little things in life click together. It all very fleetingly makes sense.

While half of my brain is busy with the fireworks and the lightbulbs, the other half sings.
My fingers impulsively tap along and after a little while I find my hands playing whatever song I am humming on an imaginary piano.  I would be really good at playing the piano if I knew how to play the piano.
I would like to buy a piano.


  1. I have no children of my own, but oh, how I love love love love to rock a baby. So calming. So peaceful. And yes, for a few minutes, it does all make sense.

  2. What Cara said.
    And this reminded me of "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium", how Mahoney is constantly tapping an imaginary piano with her fingers.

  3. Beautiful.
    And you so should have a piano.

  4. This is lovely! I play piano, but when I stop thinking about it (and relax) I always dream I am a way better piano player. And I rock my youngest to sleep almost every night and am absolutely in love with her singing duets with me - sometimes funny, sometimes gentle.

  5. I think you need that piano!

  6. Interesting, since I was trying to give you a piano this afternoon, which is after you wrote this but before I read it! Clear out a spot Erin, I'm bringing it over. I expect you to be playing it when I come over though. Alice is so cute how she likes to play.

  7. love this. and again must tell you how much i love the photos in your header. that deep blue behind you and clark -- love.

  8. I get this. I get it so very well. If I knew how to play the piano, I'm certain I would be good at it, too.
    Lovely, friend. Lovely.

  9. Absolutely beautiful :)
    Life is so much sweeter with a sleeping baby in your arms.

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  11. i do my best thinking (about writing and life) while I rock and sing to E. Love this post.

  12. I miss rocking chair days (and nights)! I miss it so much. We moved our rocker/glider up to the playroom to make room for two big girl beds in the girls' room. *sob*

    I always, always did my best thinking in that chair. (remembering my best thinking? that part was tricky.)

  13. A lovely musing Erin.
    I love to rock my babies, I still remember being rocked by my mommy. Such a precious time.
    And you should definitely get a piano ;)

  14. What you said about the piano could have been taken from my heart, too. I've always wanted to... almost like the desire to play is as strong as the need for air to stay alive. Maybe. One day. for both of us.


  15. I always feel like I get particularly good ideas when I am lying beside my baby at night, nursing her in the darkness.

    Also - I've always wanted to play guitar, but piano would be fun too.

    P.S. I like your new blog design changes. Very pretty. Did you do it yourself?