As I waited for Clark (who did not yet have a name) I found myself struggling to prepare for such a wild unknown thing. I knew that no matter how tight my eyes were closed that I couldn't possibly imagine how it would feel to labor, give birth, or hold my own baby. I supposed that it would be like getting drunk or entering zero gravity or something physiologically magical like that. I supposed correctly. Magical.
As I waited for Alice (who had had the name Alice since before she was conceived) I challenged and prepared myself to do what I had not done during my first birth -- labor without drugs of any kind. I had had loads of Pitocin with Clark and also an epidural which caused low blood pressure and I couldn't stand up or feel my legs for two days and at one point Clark's heartrate was crashing from all the drugs, and the physical experience left me feeling like a trainwreck. A happy trainwreck, but a trainwreck nonetheless. I knew I didn't want to do the trainwreck part again. I supposed that natural childbirth was going to feel like jumping from an airplane or running a marathon or something magical like that. I supposed correctly. Magical again.
I have spent the last 35 weeks waiting to meet this new baby (who only maybe has a name but we aren't entirely sure -- do you have any good boy name suggestions?) and I am preparing, again, to do something I've never done before. I am preparing to have my baby at home. I have researched and read, I've listened to my head and listened to my heart and compared the costs and factored in the distance to the hospital and hired a certified nurse midwife with thousands of births under her belt and rented a tub and made a space in my bedroom where we will be setting it up. We are doing this thing. I suppose it's going to be like a peaceful earthquake or a lucid dream or the best Thanksgiving dinner. We'll see. In five weeks, we will see.
I've been hesitating to share about my birth plans here, and I'm not totally sure why, but I know that at least part of it is that I do not want negative comments. So pretty please, keep it positive. At least to my face. And if you are an experienced homebirth mom, I would love any advice or tips you have!