9.13.2010

like clarified butter

Ever since I hit publish on my last post -- the one that ends by saying that I am a good mom -- I have felt a little uneasy.  Because by "good mom" what I really meant?  Is that I try.  I try really hard.  I am somehow able to push myself much harder as a mom than I ever was able to as a student or employee, and I am grateful for that. But the trying and the pushing includes a lot of doing things the wrong way and totally screwing up and from the outside looking in, a fly on the wall might observe ten minutes of time with me and my kids and think I am a horrible mom.  Not a good mom.  Not an okay mom.  A horrible mom.

I've been humbled a little, this morning, by a dozen muffins worth of crumbs all over my house and a defiant three year old and a newborn who cries whenever he isn't latched on and a two year old who loves to say, "no way mom" and "no I don't think so" whenever possible.  I've been humbled by the pants that don't fit and the entire half of a $10 bottle of real maple syrup that is spilled all over inside of my fridge and by my defiant three year old and did I mention my defiant three year old?  I try not to talk about his specific behavioral challenges too much on here but lets just say that he has some very specific behavioral challenges.  He is wonderful but he is hard.  And on some days, my patience disappears earlier than other days.  Today I was already getting impatient and not handling him well by 8:30am. 

But now we are going to the grocery store and I will get a second wind and the kids will get a second wind and I will keep trying and pushing and messing up and breaking through and tomorrow I will start all over again. 

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15 comments:

  1. We all try the best that we know how, and that makes us all GOOD moms.
    You're doing great :)

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  2. I think you sound like a delightful mum! The fact that you worry about being a "good mom" makes you better than many, I think. Hope you get your second wind sooner than later <3

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  3. yes, this is why it is all true! you are a good mom. a great one.

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  4. Three year old humans are pretty difficult. The good news is if you don't kill them while they are three you probably never will.

    Hang in there, it does get easier.

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  5. And, that is exactly what makes you a great mom...not just a good one. :)

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  6. Hey you. Just getting caught up over here. Yes you are a good mom. And not one mom who read your last post took it to mean you're perfect or that you have it all down pat all the time. We get it, we really do. And we got your back, sister.

    xoxo

    by the way, I loved that last post. it was a nice peek into who you are/your story. i love hearing about people's lives as teenagers. the good, bad and the wretched. ;)

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  7. You sound so warm, caring and reflective about your children. I'm sure you're a great mom! I don't know why it's such a hard job, but I have never been challenged more in life than as a mom.

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  8. You know, I don't really "know" you. But from what I've read of your blog and seen here, I believe you are a wonderful Mother.

    We all have our moments. We are only human.

    Human Mothers Unite!!! ;-)

    xo

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  9. You know, I don't know why, but when you said good mom during your last post, that's what I thought of -- the trying, the conscious decision to try and be the types of moms we want to be for our little ones.
    And that's all you can do -- pray, and try, pray and try.
    I had one of these days today, too. The type where I wondered if having a third baby was really a good idea. Now they are sleeping, and it's a good idea again ... well, a good idea for a day that is not today.
    And you are a good mom. And good moms are not perfect by any means.

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  10. Thank you for writing this. Sometimes I feel like the only Mom who has days like this and it helps to know I'm not...and we are great Moms :)

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  11. I was a kick ass amazing mom today. Yesterday I was a horrible mom. A really really horrible mom.
    I just wake up every morning knowing that I'll do the best that I can for that day.
    And honestly, we're all good moms. We just have our bad days. Just like our children

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  12. I think the sign of a "good mom" is one who can admit that things are not always "good". Recognizing the not good means you know there WILL be good again. Hence, you are a good mom.

    Did I say good enough?

    Good.

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  13. You really are a good mom, Erin. That fact is evident from all of your posts, but - perhaps - *especially* from this one.

    stephanie@metropolitanmama.net

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  14. I have a newborn who cried when not held by mom and a three year old who is spirited! I totally understand, well maybe not totally because I don't have the added two year old. I mostly understand.

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  15. You've heard my struggles with Henry, Boys are tough to figure out. I think you will be amazed at how school will help him. Hang in their superwoman, you ARE a damn good mom;)

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