11.08.2010

eviction notice

I started writing a post a few days ago but it didn't feel quite right so I stared at it for awhile and blinked and changed the way I worded things and then hit "save as draft" instead of "publish".  It is a fine post, nice even, but it was all too sweet-sweet for the way I feel right now.

I haven't had a productive, stirring thought in days or maybe even weeks.  Instead I have festered; distressed by the ever exploding house, the Winter Laundry (three times larger volume than the Summer Laundry!), the cold weather, the sick kids, the Daylight Savings change, all of it.


I've felt annoyed and negative about absolutely everything.  People, stuff, myself.  I've been holed up in my cave, pointing my finger, rolling my eyes, wanting new things (new curtains, a new rug, new dishes, new pots and pans, a new camera, new shoes and dresses and tights and a haircut and all expensive and fancy and ridiculous and the list GOES ON) and ranting to Luke about topics I'm not even sure I actually care about.


Discontent.

Where did it come from?
When did it move in?
I think I invited it and even enjoyed having it around, at first.
It gave me energy for awhile but has left me feeling kinda weary.
How do I kick it out?

Tomorrow I am going to move the furniture around and take the kids outside and tell myself over and over that it's okay to be positive and sweet-sweet and content.  Maybe I will create something or cook some good food or draw a picture or sing loud loud loud for the first time in months.  This is how I kick it out.



(I am so ready.)

(Also it is 1am which used to be 2am which is late and insane and I need to go to sleep because Alice will wakeup at 5am which used to be 6am which is early AND INSANE.)

30 comments:

  1. Ahhh, thank you so much for validating everything I've been feeling lately! Your post literally made me audibly exhale...thank you.

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  2. It's been a hard season change for me, I hate my snappy-ness. Hate it. And it makes me even more snappish.

    I hope this week is your week.

    Steph

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  3. Oh Thank you, thank you! I'm not the only one! I need to draft my own eviction notice and hang it on every wall in my house!

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  4. i totally get this feeling. especially the part about just wanting new THINGS, for the house, for me, whatever. I wonder why that is? and somehow I got in a fight with my husband about the blinds in the living room? so weird. but yesterday we cleaned tons of clutter out of the attic and I worked on an art project and I feel SO much better. singing really loud always helps too.

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  5. Ohh I wish I could fly to your house, clean it all up and babysit the lovelies while you go have some pampering time. That would me me feel better, too (I've had a hard start to the week). Keep your chin up, I'll be thinking of you!

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  6. hm. sometimes i think that maybe you live inside my head.

    also? 1am that used to be 2am that means the sun comes up at 6:30am and goes away at 5:00PM FIVEO'CLOCKOMG. dislike. :/

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  7. I've been swimming in a sea of sick kids and laundry and dishes and I already long for Spring and it isn't even Winter yet! I feel ya.

    Nell

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  8. i know these feelings. in fact, i just opened some windows. i KNOW it's freezing here, but that is one of my ways to feel lighter. and fresher.

    i hope for sweet-sweet for you today.

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  9. I feel I kinda haven't left my house since the day I came over to play at yours.

    This is not a good start to my winter.

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  10. are you in my head?
    are we living parallel lives?

    because this is so me. i'm blaming it on weather change. time change. growth spurts. ANYTHING other than just me being grouchy and mean.

    i'm with you ... let's do something new today and welcome in the sweet.

    xoxo

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  11. Oh that funk visits my house a little more often than I'd like. And that "wanting of everything new"....I know it all too well. Most times I feel blessed to have the things I have, but there are those days where I think "man, I really need new clothes, shoes, bed sheets, etc" And days where I think my house is a cluttered mess and I want to throw everything out and start over. ::sigh::

    I'm glad you kicked it out. Maybe I'll take your lead and try opening some windows today.

    Oh and thanks for posting this...now I won't feel like such a crazy person when I get that way.

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  12. oh I'm with ya! There are days when I feel like the hamster on the wheel not really getting anything accomplished and then it's topped off by one of my kids announcing "Hey mom! It's only 48 days till Christmas!" - ((YIKES))
    Praying for peace and JOY in your heart :)
    (mine too for that matter! :)

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  13. at least you've been using your salad spinner. and i'd really like to come play on your jungle gym.

    I get funky too, and I know what you mean about enjoying it at some sick level.

    but kicking it out with a good strong loud loud sing sounds better. xoxo

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  14. I am daydreaming about new dishes, and wondering where that is coming from. Perhaps it is the weather.

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  15. I've been feeling the same way lately, and being six months pregnant isn't helping any. You and your family seem so adorable and so put together, it's nice to know you're a real girl just like the rest of us :)

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  16. When the cold weather comes, I find myself getting more snippy. Plus I'm seriously homesick at the moment so that isn't helping.

    At all.

    My remedy is to bake. I've discovered I like it. I can wrap Olivia on my back, turn on a bit of music, and make bread or cookies or whatever new gluten-free recipe I want to try today.

    It's helping.

    Not a cure, though.

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  17. i've had the 'wants' lately too- a new doormat, we need curtains (our old ones peed on by our dogs when they were puppies ), carpet cleaned, black frames for the wall, etc.

    it's November. it's a transitional month where things shift and mothers at home are especially vulnerable to feeling discontented.

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  18. Oh, I feel like I could have written many of the same things. And then. And then I had Saturday night of friends and belly laughs. I felt 'reset' after that. And good and happy and blah blah blah.
    I give it another week before it wears off ;)

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  19. Oh I know how this feels! I have been in a bit of a funk! I think its time to snap out of it:)

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  20. Your pictures are priceless and say it ALL. And I hear you.

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  21. I like your plans on how to kick it out. And that you have the plan in the first place... ;)

    Y'all are adorable...

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  22. Last week I was hanging out on the edge of the cliffs of insanity. It seemed for days I was crying & shouting & cranking & (something like a "Terrible two year old"?).

    p.s. I am notorious for not doing my dishes. I know that stack very well.

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  23. Oh I hear ya! I'm battling a stupid head cold, and everything seems gloomy and disgusting right now!! It was fine on Sunday with the cold, because it was stormy and raining out, but today, it is sunny out, and when that sun hits your eye, it starts to tear up, and nose running like a faucet. Everyone is angering too. Perhaps tomorrow on day 5 of this cold, I may start to see things better.

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  24. I feel I read this at just the right time. I was feeling overwhelmed today with a cold and a cranky 20 month old. You're not alone, I'm feeling the blues too.

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  25. Hi Erin. I found your blog a week or so ago and I just wanted to let you know that I am so enjoying it. A lot has been written about why some bloggers _only_ write about the sweet happy moments of their lives, but I find that "keeping it real" posts can be very uplifting. It is a relief to know we all have these challenging times. I love the way you write about this.

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  26. everything I have been feeling too.. maybe its the weather change for me because now were spending time in doors and its that much harder to not look at the mess..

    ugh

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  27. I too have been feeling the need for a nice post-baby haircut and lamenting its cost. And daylight savings sucks, as far as I'm concerned. I had some warm spiced cider the other day and it helped make the cold weather more cozy. Hope everyone is healthy soon.

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  28. You don't know how much I wish I could just come over there. (Do a drive-by hugging.)

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  29. A quote I TRY to remember when I start to feel the way you were feeling on this day is this one:

    “Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” ~Epicurus

    Love to you. Thanks always for your sincerity.

    P.S. I totally get the furniture moving. I am also a member of that club, ha ha ha.

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  30. I just came across your blog and love it!
    I was feeling the same way at about the same time...and also blogged about it.
    I also move furniture when I am frustrated...

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