When I was younger and people asked me what I wanted to do, someday, when I grew up, I got into the habit of saying, "I dunno, I just want to do things and make things."
Do things. And make things. Okay.
I knew exactly what I meant but never knew if other people did. I was too scared to get more specific than that because if I did? Someone might point at me and ask me to perform. And then I would have a panic attack.
I am a coward. I take creative things stupid-dumb seriously. I have high expectations for myself. I don't put my name on something unless I think it is truly me: my brain, my vision, my good and my bad. This is silly for lots of reasons, but nevermind any of them because it is how I am and how I've always been and I don't think I can be talked out of it.
(But it is ruining things for me.)
I dabble all over place, but what is my thing? Do I have a thing? Do I have lots of things? I am half-assing all of them. Dabble dabble dabble. I want to get better at everything but I don't even know where to start and in the real world I'm too shy to own up to any of it. I don't put myself in any position that I can't explain away as, oh that, that's nothing, that's just a dumb thing I do sometimes. Seriously, ask me about my blog in person and I will stammer all over the place. Compliment me on anything I've ever done and I will shake my head no as fast as I can and explain how bad I truly am at most things, how much I have to learn, how it's all just for fun and to pass the time. How I'm not, you know, the real deal.
I think that despite my fears, it actually doesn't work like that. The Real Deal thing, I mean. I think, maybe, that if it is authentic and true and shows the world how the inside of your brain feels? Then it is the real deal. No matter the skill level involved. No matter what other people think. No matter what it looks like or seems like. No matter if someone out there rolls their eyes at it. (And they will. People love to roll their eyes.) No one is born knowing how to read or write or use Photoshop, but we are all born with a unique perspective. And that is the fascinating part. So let's exercise our God given desire to put things out there and forget the naysayers and forget the blushing and just do things and make things already.
So, you there, what is your thing? Where is your creative energy? What do you create in your mind but never spit out? Do you dream in movies, like I do? I want to hear about it. I want to see it. Let's tell each other and the world. If you have ideas, they are valid, no matter no matter. You are the real deal.