I should have written this yesterday, when I felt full of words.
I have many life strategies and this is one: when you can't keep up with doing all the normal little things, do something great big instead. It will give you a kick! Sounds simple enough, but it requires you to dig deep and force yourself to do something extra super hard when you are feeling like you don't have energy to even do something easy.
On Monday I took down the Christmas tree, alone, with three kids crying in the background. I wanted it out of my house and life and gone gone gone, but it seemed so hard, taking it down, that part of me just wanted to leave all the ornaments on and throw it out into the street, with the light cords dragging behind. But I dug deep and (faking) like a sane and rational person, packed everything away with strained attention to detail, grudgingly pairing each glass ornament with a cloth one that will protect it.
I just had to "mark all as read" in my google reader. And "all" meant, well, all. All of you. There are so many emails I've never returned. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I appreciated your card and gift and love and I love you back, but I'm so ridiculous and tired. I feel like a selfish uninspired jerk. And yet all I can think about is how much I want a new camera. A camera. A camera to look at things through. Now everytime I look at one of my photos, I see noise. I have outgrown my camera. I need a new camera. I need something great big. I need a kick!
I am going to try to start posting little things, a little at a time. Little photos. Little words. I love you all and I have more things to say and tell you and share. 2011, I see you. Eleven has always been one of my favorite numbers. I am so ready for eleven. Here's to eleven.
Some of the people in this photo? elizabeth, maria, lisa, steph, madeline, jessi, megan, and me!
Blogging is so friendly.