Where your brain is screaming and feels all folded up inside? Caffeine would feel bad. Alcohol would feel bad. Food would feel bad. Sleep would feel bad or maybe it would feel good for a minute but you know it would just feel extra bad, ultimately?
I have felt like that for awhile now, with the worst in the last five days or so. The baby has been having a hard time at night, not wanting to nurse or sleep or cuddle or anything but stand upright on me and bounce, for hours. Like, from the hours of 1-4, when I have just fallen asleep for the night, and then he wakes up at 6 and is awake for the day. I am sure this is a phase and at least partly because when I consume dairy it bothers his stomach, but I've been getting lazier and lazier with my diet and cheating too much. I feel awful for him. I will not cheat anymore.
Walking around the house just now, I felt very nearly like crying out. What do I do to feel better? I don't want someone to help me. I don't want a break or a new outfit or a treat. I just want to be back on my game. I want to feel better. I reached up and grabbed the door frame, absentmindedly, and stretched out and then the sun started shining through our back window onto my face and I felt warm, warm from the sun, for the first time in months. Warm from the sun, warm from the sun, I wanted to feel warm from the sun. And as I stretched there I felt like a kitten or a responsible person who does yoga or a kid. And it felt better than a haircut or a date-night or a cup of coffee with real cream.