looking on

I've written fifteen posts in my head since last week. They evaporated because I didn't put them anywhere.  Now they are all in clouds around me.  I'll get them back eventually so I can type them out or realize how dumb they are or both.

Thank you for your many thoughtful comments and emails last week.  Thank you for sharing and encouraging and hanging around. You are nice people.  I am glad you are here.

Clark was sneaky with my camera today.  He filled the whole memory card.

IMG_8267 IMG_8272 IMG_8200 IMG_8210

Yes, he took all of these.  And also at least 40 shots of his blurry feet.

There is a chance that at some point I will remove my last post.
I wanted to get it all out but I don't know if Clark would want it out there like that.
I am trying to see from his perspective.
You know?

I am also considering a big change to the way my blog is laid out and designed and stuff. I don't even know how to do it, but I want to try.

I thought it might be like getting a new notebook and I really need a new notebook.

A new notebook might keep me from throwing this one away.


  1. But...what's the cost of silence? Mothers need to share the pain of parenting. Keeping it silent tears us up from the inside out.

    Yet I understand the urge to protect the child. I've kept silent because of that concern, too. Maybe too much?

    It's such a balancing act.

  2. You're doing just fine.

    Let's decorate our notebooks like we did in Jr. High, ok? THen we can both keep writing.

    I don't know how to do it either...

  3. Clark takes wonderful pictures, just like his momma.

  4. tell clark i think he is *very* talented. so impressive! i know you want to rejig the blog but i think it looks lovely just as it is. i even added an instagram widget to mine after having a look around your site in more detail. nancy x

  5. You look to have a budding photographer on your hands.

    And I understand what you mean about the post but I think you should leave it up. At least for now.

    Just my humblest of opinions though... xo

  6. wow, clark! these are amazing! you need your own camera!!!

    we need to talk more. what's this about what you said when you found out you were pregnant with clark? coughcough.


  7. He does a great job with that camera! It is a balance between privacy and taking care of yourself. I do think that if more people talked about it (with no disrespect to the children) that people wouldn't feel so isolated. I don't know how many folks I have stumbled upon who have the same struggles. Whatever you decide to do thanks for sharing!

  8. these are SO GOOD. i have really enjoyed your latests posts. so honest. so raw. so YOU. keep strong, momma. xo

  9. Wow at these photos. And now I want to go get a new notebook. I got a new moleskin a month or so ago but can't find it now. I just lose all my things. I'm thankful the internet is so easily found.

    Glad I found you.


  10. what beautiful pictures. i bet it's hard to keep your camera out of their curious hands. i wish our kids could run around in their Halloween costumes together...

  11. Darlin Girl, I have two VERY good healthy darling girls and still I holler at the big one...I cuss around and sometimes almost at them. ANd I love Jesus, so that is BIGTIME bad.

    Your sad heart is beyond understandable. Just do the next good thing and be grateful for your little pile of crazy!

    Can I suggest? I am no expert (my two littles are both under three) but I've heard diet can do amazing things with behavioral stuff? GAP diet or no processed foods? Have no idea what you guys eat, haven't read long enough! Tell me to buggger off, no worries. And Love & Logic parenting is FANTASTIC. Except when you are mad and cuss like me. Not so loving but, I do think it is logical! LOL.

  12. Clark is so incredible. I love how kids (and adults) can take so many pictures now that it's 'free'. I love seeing things from their perspective.

    Of course the baby part is the easy part. After that we have less and less control over anything. And if a child turns out to have their own strong will, heaven help us mothers. But we all do what you do. We swim back to shore every night. And somehow with a mother the one who needs the most from us touches our heart in just the right way to get it from us.

    God is wise.

  13. clark has quite the eye, doesn't he? something tells me that he understands where you are coming from. i mean, looking at the world through his eyes, there is nothing but beauty.

  14. My 5-year-old loves taking pictures too and was always asking to use our camera...so we bought her a red digital camera for her birthday. She says she wants to be at the birth of baby #3 and take pictures. I'm thinking about saying "yes."