i guess this is something people do

So I've been running.  I wouldn't call myself "a runner" or anything so confident and commitment-y just yet, but I have forced myself to go outside and run every day (minus one or two) for the past month.

First of all, I feel like I have to tell you that am not this kind of girl.  I don't wear yoga pants or shoes with laces, EVER, and I certainly don't "go work out" or "to the gym" or whatever. I wear a lot of eye makeup and I am particular about my hair and I am disorganized. I am not a morning person. I am pear-shaped and redheaded. I am not athletic.

There was a time when reading a blog post about running would have irritated me. Twitter and Facebook updates, "I just finished a 2.8 mile run!" made me squint and shake my head a little. Why did these people have to TELL me they exercised? Why do we have to TALK about it? Either you run or you don't and either way it isn't my business.

It was this ever-so-slight irritation, however, that made me try it myself.  With each, "I just finished a 4 mile run!" status update, I began to actually believe that a four mile run is something people do. They just go outside and do it. Okay! Wait? This is something people do? They buy the right clothes and shoes and put them on. Then they go outside and move their feet back and forth.


As I was in the middle of my very long blogging break and felt like my brain was sinking right out of my head, I decided to shake some energy out. To pull myself together.  To go buy the right things and put them on like a costume and pretend I am someone who moves her feet back and forth.

I downloaded C25K and put on my running shoes and talked myself out of wearing my cardigan (I AM NOT ATHLETIC) over my Nike t-shirt. C25K didn't really work for me.  The bossy lady telling me when to go and when to stop got on my nerves. I loosely followed it for a week, and then figured out my own pace. There is a street next to ours that is exactly a half-mile loop. So I used that, adding a half-mile whenever I felt ready.

Yesterday I found myself hitting the TWEET THIS button on my Nike+ app.  "I just finished a 3.23 mile run!" I did.  I ran three and a quarter miles without stopping and I didn't want to kill myself. After the first mile I actually ENJOYED it.  I am sleeping better and have less anxiety. This is a very good thing.

I don't know how long I will stick with this but it is working for me right now. I never thought I would have a positive experience with running. I have tried many times before but never pushed past the "I want to die" stage. I am running outside, slowly, with a face the color of a tomato. It is embarrassing and sometimes hard, but I don't want to die.  You have no idea how surprised I am.  (Also Luke. He is surprised. He is so surprised that he is, in his words, "a little scared." Me too honey!)

(I have to give a TON of credit to Erin and Erica and Keli and others for their twitter chats about running. Erin started running one year ago yesterday and was totally my inspiration. Her runs and commentary about them are what got me going and keep me going.)



Not blogging has given me a lot of time to think.

I've done so much unwritten thinking and over-thinking, around and around, that my thoughts put me underground or underwater or something. When you spiral around like that you can only go down. Tighter and smaller and lower.

I have a computer. I have my own computer now.  After a few months without one.

I feel like the windows are open.  I feel like the phone is ringing, but in a good way.

Hello, hi, how ARE you?


(My friend Emily told me to just write something already and I did, for her, and this is what came out. Thank you Emily. I probably would have gone another miserable week or so if not for you.)